Never Trust a Hypnotist Offering Jelly Beans

You know how in movies or on TV or whatever, someone will be trying to hypnotize someone else and tell them to "empty your mind"?  I can't.  And I bet you can't either.  What do they mean, anyway?  I think that if I stop thinking, I'll die.  Not that I died from NOT thinking, but that the only way to stop thinking is to be dead.  Or male.  I'm not being mean to men, they admit it themselves!  Go ahead and ask a man, "what're you thinking about?"  They'll say, "Nothing".  94.67% of the time.  Okay, I made up the statistic, but it's kinda true.

I've tried to stop thinking before, but first I realize that I'm thinking about not thinking and about what it would feel like to actually not think.  Then I'll think, "No seriously, STOP THINKING." And then I'll start daydreaming, which of course is still thinking, just more of a thinking-in-the-back-of-my-mind kind of thought.

Did you know that thinking is one of those weird words where, if you write it a lot, it stops looking like a word?  Yeah, I was just thinking about that.  See?  This is what happens when I eat too many jelly beans.  See, I really wanted jelly beans so I asked Hubby to pick some up last night but they didn't have any, so he brought home Rolos instead.  Don't get me wrong, I like Rolos; chocolate and caramel is pretty much awesome.  But Rolos are not jelly beans.  They have absolutely no effect on the jelly bean center of the brain.  So today, I went to the store and bought a bag of jelly beans and ate most of them while surfing the internet and writing this blog.  It is definitely impossible to NOT think when you're strung out on jelly beans.  In fact, jelly beans probably speed up the thought-process about eleventy percent.  The downside is none of your thoughts make sense to anyone else.  And when you write them down, like I'm doing now, once the jelly beans are out of your system, it won't make sense to you either.  I recently realized that my name, Julie Kean, sounds a little like Jelly Bean.  That was the most awesome thought I've had in a while.  Having your name sound like your favorite candy just proves that you married the right man; otherwise your name would be something different, and you might end up sounding like sauerkraut or hummus and that's not cool at all.  Even if you like those foods.  My blood sugar is starting to crash, I better end this post now.